Hello all
How great to find a site that seems to be accepting of what I am pretty sure is my new lifestyle..... one that just doesn't seem to quite get off the ground.
As with most 41 year old women I have had the tradtional relationship (however never married so not COMPLETELY traditional) with one man (who I left 9 years ago) and a child as a result. I have been single for the last (nearly) nine years. Never to click with a man for various reasons. Over my whole life whenever (and not many as I have been pretty minimal with my relationships) I have had a mini heartbreak I have swayed to longingly thinking of being with a woman. To be honest I have wanted to be with a woman since I was a teenager but had never sidestepped down that path.........
Until I connected with an old friend who seems to have been in my life forever... a male.... we became intimate and have struck up probably the most amazing friendship I have ever had in my whole life. We are honest, exclusive, loving, fabulous friends, have terrific communication, travel together and just totally GET each other. We are completely exclusive to each other sexually however have what we thought was rather an unusual twist to our relationship but are slowly discovering is more common that we had thought. We are looking for another female partner.
Now here are the hiccups...... and I am sure we are not alone... we can't seem to find another female partner unless we go online. And then there is the often sleazy path of online dating. We are not into swinging (but horses for courses... not judging anyone who does!!!); we don't dress each other up in leather and dominate; we are NOT a traditional couple. We cannot seem to explain to other women that we offer an extension of what we already have together - an amazingly trusting, mature, loving but totally non-traditional relationship. We don't live together nor ever will as we love our private space. No-one would dominate, we both want all three of us to be happy but none of us are likely to separate and become a traditional couple. We know it is not problem free but can't even seem to get into the stage of ironing out the problems as there are a lack of women that understand what we are on about... we do not want our cake and be able to eat it too.... we want to cut it up into three and share it equally. I found the definition compersion online and immediately it made sense to both of us... it's what we have and want. The TOTAL opposite of jealousy. That may at times be challenged but right now we want to find out.
I have since experienced being with a woman and totally adored it... I have another date coming up soon which we hope will blossom into what we want .... but it's not an easy path. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? We are to all outer appearances conservative; we love fun in the bedroom but hold a very polite ouside demeanour. Do we need to become outwardly raunchy to attract what we want? Because if that is the case... we are stuck!!! That just won't happen, professionally I need to maintain my conservative public demeanour and my best friend is a conservative man, more from the old school.
So..... questions:
-are there any online groups inn Western Australia that can understand the context in which we live?
-how are others able to find the right woman?
-do others have amazing friendships beyond the usual "couple" paradigm that they extend?
-are there triad supportive dating sites online that I can't seem to find?
-is this all a pipe-dream?
Velvet xxx
Тема хорошая, а вот на сайте Новинки Музыки можно послушать новинки музыки 2011 совершенно бесплатно.
Тост: «Пусть наша пропасть будет без дна!»
В полицейском участке глухонемая девушка жестами и мимикой пыталась объяснить офицеру, что ее зовут Кончита...
Ты вылитый Пушкин! Очень пристрелить хочется...
Подаришь женщине 100 алых роз, она попросит одну и белую!
Мы свое призванье не забудем - грех и радость мы приносим людям!
Женитьба - трусливое бегство от холостяцких проблем.
Научиться играть в футбол очень легко, надо просто уметь вовремя нажимать нужные кнопки.
Женщины изменяют в двух случаях: по необходимости и просто так.
Опер упал, намоченный...
Triads are incredibly difficult to start up, especially for your type of personality. You sound like you came into it from a logical point of view like myself. Most seem to come into it for other reasons.
The reason most in the poly community have no idea about setting up triads is that most people in polyamory aren't exclusive. They want open possibilities forever pretty much (no judgement). That and the fact it's hard to find long lasting relationships, so you'll find people just go on date after date, month after month, living life like a romantic nomad. Many people find this puppy love dating type game the best part of living.
You just have to stick at it, it's taken me years of searching and only now are we starting to see the end of the horizon. You're pretty much going to have to convert a normal person into poly as they offer the best chance of a long lasting AND exclusive relationship. The best way to do that is to get the guy to approach women on his own and see how things go. If he's good enough he should be able to convince 2 out of 10 woman to at least try it. Then out of those who try it, maybe 1 in 5 will it possibly work with. Just my own numbers thrown out there, take them as non authoritative.
I must say my friend is nodding saying...."seeeee I knew that was the best way"... quite funny!
Thank you for your words...good luck to you too :) I will respond about our date tomorrow night very soon..all positive I hope :)