For eleven years I lived the socially accepted lifestyle, wife, kids suburbia, two cars, day care, and work. Last year it all turned to shit with the breakdown of a union, marriage, what I thought was the way I was meant to live my life. It was some of the darkest times in my life. What I didn't realise then was how much of myself I kept locked away from myself, my then wife and society in general. I wouldn't say that I had an open marriage but it was kind of the agreement of "don't ask if you don't want to know". It was this way on both sides. Eventually the deceit took over. There was no trust, eventually the love turned to angst and then jealously as the primary relationships became second to everything and everyone else. Communication ceased and we went our separate ways.
With the end of marriage I was given the opportunity to really be truthful to myself. To reflect on who I am and what my social, sexual and relationship needs are. So far I'm doing pretty well. I've worked out that I'm an Alpha Male, a Dominant who is involved with a submissive femal primary partner as well as a secondary female submissive partner. That's the easy part done! The real complication though is that I am also a father to two small children 4 & 5yrs.
Like any parent, I want to protect my children from all harm physical and social. My partners and I are at the stage where we are considering formalising our 3way relationship sometime in the near future but we want to make sure we are going into this with our eyes wide open.
The relationship that I have now with my two girls are happy and healthy. We discuss everything, talk and talk and when we are sick of it we still talk some more. It is pretty clear that we are all falling in love and wanting to move in the same direction. Perhaps the biggest hurldle we face is how likely is a poly relationship going to have a negative impact on my children.
I would love to believe that all they need is love. They get plenty of that and they are well adjusted beautiful children. But social beliefs, religious beliefs and people in general can be cruel and unfairly target those that are unable stand up for themselves. It is this that is my primary concern.
Now that you the reader has a little insight into my story I would love to hear from readers who perhaps are living a poly relationship with children and how it has impacted them. I am particulary interested in anyone who has children around the age of mine and their experiences and words of wisdom.
Indeed kids need all the love we can give them... they need also honesty and truth!.. but need also to be protected from a strange society in which we live... the blind society like to blame and be cruel, not only with kids... IMHO, I think that clear explanation of these "social" problems is of paramount importance. If they feel love and caring in the words, they will understand the situation and try to be "social" with the outside society... maybe not talking with others about the "family" matters...
The truth pays back!
It sucks I guess in your case that you have left the women that gave birth to your children. Personally I don't understand why people have kids with others they don't last with. Your situation is one where I guess that it's likely going to turn sour at some point when it comes to your kids. If I was you I would try and bring the mother of your children back into the fold, or just forget about the kids for the most part. It's just going to bring long term pain otherwise for everyone involved.
The cases where the "Kids turn out alright in the broken family" seem to mostly be related to Hollywood. What do kids want? They want a stable family. Your ex wife and her partner (whenever she gets one if she hasn't) will have one set of thoughts, you will have others. It's just not going to go well.
It's extremely hard with kids full stop! My late husband and myself lived in a poly relationship with our 7 kids (aged 7 to 14) and their 3 kids (6 to 8) for 3 1/2 years, was quite a house full.. My children came to understand that not all people are the same, houses etc all run different, One of their best friends has 2 mums and no dad.. And I live in a small community where everyone appears to know what I'm doing before I do it! Keep the lines of communication open with your childrens mum!!!! Kids adapt, they learn to understand.. We never broadcast what we did, but we didn't hide it either... The questions will come if you choose to take this path, just be ready to answer them as honestly as permitted at the time (the questions get harder as they get older :] ).