Polyamory Australia

Happy New Year to everyone!  A big hello to ArchAngel, sorry I didn't notice your replies earlier (hope you're still checking in from time to time).  A few things to get off my chest this time.

And now the news (I've always wanted to say that).  My wife still hasn't made any headway with her man.  I think she's coming to grips with the fact he won't take her as a partner.  Which is a pity -I know how much she really loves him.  And I have been rejected by the person I was really interested in... OK, I was (am?) in love with her.

And speaking of that, What is the difference between love and being in love?  I think it comes down to one thing: to love someone, you love them in spite of their faults.  To be in love with someone, you need to love them BECAUSE of their faults.  Right now I am trying to come to grips with being rejected and trying to sort out my mess of emotions.   Am I in love with this person?  Was it just wanting what I cannot have?  Who knows, I know I sure as hell don't.

Something I have learnt is that it really is important in this lifestyle that you both be fully into it.  If one of you isn't really into the poly lifestyle, it can make it soo much harder.  I know the amount of crap my wife has had to put up with after I was rejected (and she is still putting up with it).  And I have had to put up with quite a bit of her emotional baggage.  It just makes it easier to deal with the pain and emotions when you a re turned down.  If either one of us  wasn't so supportive, it could lead to friction and feelings of resentment.  This in turn could lead to a breakdown of the primary relationship (if that's the style of poly you are going for, as we have).  If either one of you isn't quite sure, I'd take things very, very slowly until you are both sure this is what you want.

Being a rather nerdy-type (read: can't pickup in normal life!), my wife has suggested signing up for a dating website.  But then, how do you mark yourself?  Single?  Separated (you need to explain the shiny ring of skin on your finger somehow!)?  Do you join an adult "dating" site?  In our case, this wouldn't be a problem anyway as one-nighters are fine.  I might join an adult site and see where that leads me.  I was a member back when I was single. Will update you more later!

Something that concerns me is the rule that many people seem to have that they don't date friends of friends.  I WANT my other partner(s) to be a friend of my wife and I want to be friends with my wifes partners.  Hell, we want a 5 bedroom house so our other primaaries can move in with us, and you NEED to be friends for that sort of commintment.  It would be nice if they would share intimate moments together with us but that isn't necessary.  If the only reaason they are turning you down is beacuse of that rule, then they are missing out on somethin wonderful.  I really hope  that is not the reason behind either of us being turned down.

Ciao

Shadow